Ever feel that knot in your stomach right before a social event? You’re not alone. Social jitters hit many of us, but there’s a technique called threading that can help you relax and make conversations feel natural, even when you’re nervous. Threading lets you take what others share and follow it to create genuine, flowing conversations. Here’s your guide to using threading to ease social anxiety, build confidence, and create meaningful connections.

Why Threading Works for Social Anxiety

When you’re anxious, conversations can feel like a performance. You might worry about saying the “right” thing, avoiding awkward silences, or keeping things flowing. However, threading shifts the focus off you and onto what the other person is saying. Instead of crafting a perfect response, you build on what they share, which reduces pressure and keeps you in the moment.

For example, psychologist Dr. Ellen Hendriksen explains that focusing on others can shift our minds out of “performance mode.” When you’re genuinely curious about what someone else is saying, the spotlight moves from you to them. This shift helps you relax and respond naturally.

How to Use Threading in Social Situations

Threading follows a simple formula:

• Identify a Detail the other person mentions.
• Acknowledge what they shared to validate and encourage more sharing.
• Ask a Question based on what, why, or how. For instance:
• What is the best part about it?
• Why did they decide on that?
• How did they get started?

Using this formula keeps conversations going without pressure to think up the “right” thing to say.

Threading Prompts for Different Situations

Here’s a table of common conversation topics with What, Why, and How prompts to help keep things flowing naturally. These prompts are practical threads to follow in different settings. These examples make threading feel natural and turn it into an approachable technique for any situation.

These prompts are also available in the webpage linked here: Threading Cheat Sheet

Handling Nerves with Threading Techniques

1. Start Small and Simple
   Instead of crafting an impressive response, keep it light. If they mention a trip, simply ask, “What was the highlight?” With threading, you don’t need to dazzle—just open the door for them to share more.
2. Practice Active Listening, Not Pre-Planning
   Often, social jitters have us planning what we’ll say next. Instead, focus on their words. Communication expert Dr. Carol Fleming explains that true listening helps us stay grounded, letting follow-up questions appear naturally.
3. Lean on Open-Ended Questions
   Closed questions can end conversations quickly. Instead of “Did you like it?” try “What was your favorite part?” Open-ended questions keep things flowing without putting pressure on either person.

Advanced Threading Techniques

1. Double-Threading
   When someone mentions multiple topics, follow both! For instance, if they talk about hiking and cooking, you can alternate between those threads, making the discussion richer.
2. Pivot Threading
   Want to change topics? Follow a connected idea. If they mention a trip to Japan, ask, “That sounds incredible! Do you like cooking Japanese food, too?”

These techniques keep conversations engaging, especially in longer interactions.

Threading Tips for Different Personality Types

• Introverts: Threading focuses on listening, so introverts can guide the conversation without needing to share a lot.
• Extroverts: Threading helps extroverts balance speaking and listening. Following the other person’s lead can prevent taking over the conversation.
• Ambiverts: Threading is versatile for ambiverts, allowing them to be flexible. They can switch between listening and speaking as needed, keeping the flow balanced.

Common Threading Challenges and How to Tackle Them

1. Over-Threading
   When questions start feeling endless or forced, pause. Slow down if their responses are getting shorter or if you sense they’re ready to wrap up.
2. Under-Threading
   If the conversation feels flat, you might need to follow up more. Use open-ended questions to invite them to share without pressure.

Threading in Action: A Real-Life Example

Imagine you’re at a gathering and someone mentions a trip to Japan. Instead of jumping in with your own travel story, try threading by asking, “Japan sounds amazing! What was the highlight?” Let their response guide your next question. You can follow threads within the same topic or pivot to a connected topic if it feels natural.

Using Threading for Language Learning

Threading is also great for practicing new languages! If someone says “la playa” (the beach) in Spanish, you can ask, “¿Te gusta nadar?” (Do you like swimming?) This keeps things going even if your vocabulary is limited, and you learn in real-time.

Pro Tip: Practice a few common phrases for each topic. This shows genuine interest and lets you pick up vocabulary naturally while keeping the conversation going.

Body Language Tips to Support Threading

• Nod Along: Acknowledge their words without speaking.
• Smile and React Naturally: Use simple expressions to show you’re interested.
• Mirror Their Expressions: Mirroring subtle gestures or expressions helps create connection.

These non-verbal cues reinforce your engagement, adding warmth to the conversation.

Reflection Questions to Build Threading Confidence

Take some time to reflect after each conversation to build your confidence. Here are a few helpful questions:

• What topics feel most comfortable for me to thread?
• Which responses or questions felt natural?
• What can I focus on improving in my next conversation?

Threading FAQs

What if I zone out or miss part of the conversation?
If this happens, use reflection to mention something you remember: “You mentioned Japan—could you tell me more about that?” This shows you’re engaged without highlighting that you missed something.

How can I use threading in language learning?
Threading works great in any language! Prepare a few basic phrases ahead of time, and let them guide your questions. You’ll show genuine interest and improve your language skills.

Where can I practice threading?
Family or close friends are perfect for low-pressure practice. You can build your threading skills in familiar settings before trying them out in social events.

Practice Threading at LingoFest!

Threading sounds useful, right? Let’s give it a go at our next LingoFest. We’ll set aside time to practice threading in different languages, keeping things low-pressure and fun.